Acceptance is a Small, Quiet Room (The race that wasn’t)

So my plan for this fall was to run the Stone Steps 27k (16.5) miles, and it hasn’t quite worked out. I’ve run with the full group on Saturdays and made it through 20 miles. Here comes the but….

But, I’ve hardly made any of the Wednesday TSRC runs, and my nutrition has been atrocious. (That’s the subject of my next post.) Plus, the one running buddy I had who was also doing the race dropped due to injury. The thought of running 5+ hours by myself had my anxiety in overdrive. I made the decision over the weekend drop out of the race.

When I shared this with friends, I was met with a chorus of “But you’re killing it. ” “You’ve done the miles” etc… And that’s partially true. Running with Beth, Kat, Karen and Angie has definitely made me stronger, and it’s been a blast. My workouts at PEAK have been challenging and fun. When I ran the Queen Bee Half this past weekend, the Eden Park hill didn’t feel as hard as it used to. But in the end, the thought of Stone Steps fills me with dread, not anticipation. I’m not where I need to be to run this race. It’s still on my bucket list, but it isn’t the right time.

So for now, I’m concentrating on my December race, the St. Jude Half Marathon . I’d be lying if I said that I’m not kind of embarrassed. There is a huge part of me that feels like a failure. But it is what is. And there will be other chances and other races. I took the title of this post from a quote by one of my favorite writers, Cheryl Strayed,

“Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.”

I’m in that room now-resting and regrouping and getting ready for the next race. And the next.





Author: lauradixoncaldwell

I am a runner, librarian, and mom to three furkids. I like reading, writing, going to comic and horror cons, and eating too much at Mexican restaurants.

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